We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers

When there's a will, I want to be in it

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar

All generalizations are false, including this one

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit

640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates '81

"A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over." - R. Frost

Every time I've built character, I've regretted it

Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4

Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

I believe OS/2...to be the most important OS...of all time" - Gates '87

"I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly

"I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV"

"I'm not smart enough to lie" - Ronald Reagan

."If I knew what I was doing...I'd be dangerous..."

"If the shoe fits, buy it." Imelda Marcos

It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple
     things, like wild dogs

"Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke" - Obi Wan Gates

"Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!"

"Suicide Hotline...please hold."

"The faster you go, the shorter you are" - Einstein

"There's someone in my head, but its not me." -Pink Floyd

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" -Steven Wright

'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt

.. Bugs come in through open Windows.

...On the other hand, you have different fingers.

.....If it ain't broke, fix it anyway just to screw it up!

2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2)

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own.

A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept.

A big enough hammer fixes anything

A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs

A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it

A day without sunshine is like night.

A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.

A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you

A half moon is better than no moon at all

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car

A pessimist is never disappointed.

A single fact can spoil a good argument.

Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.

.All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power

All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson

All programers are optimists.

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

All the easy problems have been solved.

All things are green unless they are not.

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.

Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.

Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day

Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think

An oyster is a fish built like a nut.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys

And it's only ones and zeros.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing

Black Holes are Out of Sight

Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER

Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.

Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly!

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Close your eyes and press escape three times.

405
 
 
 Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)?

Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress

DILATE: To live longer.

DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAGLINE (UNDER
     PENALTY OF LAW

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality

Daddy, what does "Formatting Drive C:" mean?

Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.

Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.

Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Diplomacy is the ability to let someone else have your way.

Discoveries are made by not following instructions.

Disks travel in packs.

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

Do fish get thirsty?

Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.

Doctor, my brain hurts!

Does killing time damage eternity?

Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.

Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.

Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!

Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.

Don't let school interfere with your education.

Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.

Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure...

Dragons love you. You're crunchy and good with ketchup.

Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.

ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive.

Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ..

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again.

Error 15 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film!

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis

Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue.

FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue...

FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap.

Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it.

Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!

Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go
     EVERYWHERE!!

Gravity brings me down

Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks.

Guns don't kill people..., I kill people!

Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Heisenberg slept here, I think

Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening.

800